#i didnt even tell my mom i dont want to get her hopes up

[melloncollieme]

reapplied to college, but I'm too embarrassed to post about it to my main socials in case I don't get in, so I'm quietly posting about it on my dead tumblr bc my heart is pounding

[plomegranate]

i love palestinian and arab culture so much.

my grandma wearing thobes around the house and making us tamriyeh. my cousins wedding when we all wore thobes and keffiyehs and took photos downtown and we danced with someone playing the guitar on the street and this lady stopping us to tell us we all looked so beautiful. walking the graduation stage in a thobe. the girl who liked to guess arab peoples ethnicities telling me "you're wearing tatreez... do you want me to write 'palestinian' on your forehead?" the keffiyeh my brother keeps on the drivers seat of his car.

my dad sending me off to my last semester of college with 2 pomegranates and a jar of palestinian olive oil. my cousins wife coming up with new ways to make zaatar and cheese pastries. me and my grandma sitting on the floor and making waraq 3neb- my job was to separate the leaves so she could roll them easier. my mom sending me and my brother to school with eid cookies for my teachers and tasking us with delivering some to the neighbors. my aunt glaring at me and piling more food on my plate and then asking if i was still hungry (i wasnt). my mom always telling me to invite my friends and cousins over for dinner and asking me what they like to eat. my family getting my dad knafeh instead of cake for his birthday. the man who told me i made the "best fetteh in the western hemisphere".

the man in the shawarma shop who gave me my fries for free and baklava i didnt order because we spoke about being palestinian while he took my order. the person on tumblr who i bonded with because we are from the same palestinian city. the girl i met on campus who exclaimed "youre palestinian? me too!" because i was wearing my keffiyeh. the girl in my class that showed me the artwork about palestine her dad made and donated for fundraising. the couple in the grocery store who noticed my palestinian shirt and talked with me for 20 minutes and ended up being a family friend. the silly palestinian kids i tutored sighing in disappointment when i told them i was born in america because they were hoping that id have been born "somewhere cooler". my friends family who bought me dinner despite me being there by chance and having met me for the first time the day before.

the boys starting uncoordinated dabke lines in my high school's hallways. the songs about the longing and love for our land. the festivals and parties and gatherings where everything smells like shisha and oud. memories of waiting in the car for an hour as my parents talked at the doorway of their friends homes. my cousins and i showing up at each others homes with cake or fruit or games as if it was the first time we ever visited even though we always say "you dont have to".

kids stubbornly helping to clean and make tea after a meal while being told to go sit down because they are guests. the necklaces in the shape of our home countries. people hugging and laughing and acting as if theyve known each other for years because they come from the same city or know people with the same last name. the day i finally got to bully my friends into letting me pay the bill because i had a job and they were still students. my moms friend who calls us every time she's at the grocery store to see if we need something

palestinian people are so resilient and hardworking and charitable. they love their culture and their community and are so quick to share and welcome anyone in. everyday i am so thankful and proud to be part of such a warm and lovely culture

[diorsluv]

casual , part 7

“ you said ‘we’re not together’ ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by vivianliu, dylanduke25, and 100,299 others

yourusername i’m on that hot girl shit

view all comments

username91 the mirror pics 🤭🤭

username40 gimme sum of the hot girl shit babe 🙏

lhughes_06 yes queen be confident!! don’t let my douchebag of a best friend bring down your happiness

→ yourusername who are you and what have you done to my brother

→ mackie.samo limp wrist culture

→ markestapa 🍊🍓🍎🫐🍐🥭🥝🍏🍋

→ dylanduke25 fruit bowl alert

→ rutgermcgroarty 😟

→ lhughes_06 STOP THIS I BEG OF YOU

_quinnhughes i have a few friends who want to get to know you a bit better

→ yourusername wait a second..

→ _quinnhughes yes i know i never let you talk to guys 😑 BUT THIS IS AN EXCEPTION.

→ yourusername is it what i think it is 😱

→ jackhughes WAIT WHAT WE DIDNT AGREE TO THIS

→ lhughes_06 THIS WAS NOT UNANIMOUSLY DECIDED

→ _quinnhughes THIS IS A ONE TIME THING ONLY yourusername

rutgermcgroarty yay

→ yourusername ☺️

→ rutgermcgroarty 😁

→ yourusername 🥰

→ rutgermcgroarty 🤗

→ lhughes_06 what the hell is this

→ luca.fantilli goddammit they’re communicating in emojis again

_alexturcotte AYEEEE NICE

trevorzegras SHES BACK??

→ yourusername IM BACK

→ trevorzegras are you happy

→ yourusername i’m happy!

→ jackhughes she’s not happy she called me last night bawling her eyes out

→ yourusername THAT WAS STRICTLY SIBLING BUSINESS jackhughes

username48 who’s gonna tell her she looks absolutely GORGEOUS

username93 drop the workout routine babe

→ username22 fr i’m tryna get a waist like that

luca.fantilli i think someone might feel a bit regretful

→ yourusername i wonder who 🤨

→ luca.fantilli i think you know who

→ yourusername i won’t know unless he tells me himself

→ luca.fantilli IM TRYING TO HELP YOU

vivianliu oh my god

vivianliu mother

vivianliu you’re so hot

liked by yourusername

vivianliu who needs your little boy toy when you have MEEEE

→ yourusername ‼️‼️

→ lhughes_06 i’d rather you date her instead of him

→ jackhughes me too

markestapa he has so much pride i apologize

→ yourusername 🤷‍♀️

→ yourusername you know how i am with my toxic men

→ _quinnhughes yeah you’re obsessed yourusername

→ trevorzegras LMAOOO

→ mackie.samo goddamn 😭

→ vivianliu stop don’t do her like that

→ _alexturcotte violation.

→ dylanduke25 💀💀

colecaufield hello i see those are the headphones i generously gifted you out of the kindness of my heart

→ yourusername i dont like where ur going with this.

→ colecaufield I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING

→ yourusername U SOUND LIKE UR GONNA SAY SOMETHING

→ jackhughes he wants you to go watch him play when they play the wings on thursday

→ colecaufield JACK.

→ yourusername AWWW OF COURSE I WILL (can you get me good tickets 🤨)

→ colecaufield i already got you behind the bench don’t worry

username14 i’m afraid you ABSOLUTELY ATE 💕

username55 mom and dad are fighting again

→ username71 mom and dad??? they didnt even hard launch babe 😭😭

edwards.73 nice

this comment has been deleted

edwards.73

liked by adamfantilli, markestapa, and 93,447 others

edwards.73 spent time with the #1 bro tn

tagged: markestapa

view all comments

dylanduke25 i always knew you had favoritism

→ edwards.73 it’s true mark’s my favorite

→ dylanduke25 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DENY IT

→ edwards.73 my mom said never lie

→ markestapa i love you too babe 🥰🥰 edwards.73

→ edwards.73 😘

username36 this is so frat boy

adamfantilli this is completely unfair

→ edwards.73 you berated me last night on ft

→ adamfantilli BRO SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND BY ASSOCIATION

username16 i’m waiting for you and rosie to make up

username5 ethan’s cheating with mark 😱

mackie.samo let’s address the allegations

→ edwards.73 hell no

→ dylanduke25 what allegations?? 😟

lhughes_06 why can’t you just stop beating around the bush for once

jackhughes i hope you know she cries herself to sleep every night

→ yourusername stop exaggerating it was one time 😒

username17 listen to the hughes ethan please 🙏

username3 i’m so confused what’s going on

vivianliu you should’ve spent tonight with her

→ edwards.73 well i didn’t so 🤷‍♂️

→ vivianliu oh my god you drive me insane just make up and fuck already

→ markestapa what’s with the change of heart vivian 🤨🤨

→ vivianliu i give up

colecaufield 👍

→ edwards.73 🙏

username45 ayeee that’s what we like to see

username90 whyd you post a mirror pic too

→ username22 can he not post a mirror selfie?? 😭

_alexturcotte just makeup and makeout

→ trevorzegras whaaat 🤯

→ edwards.73 thought you were so against me what happened

→ _alexturcotte we’re so tired of you two

luca.fantilli am i #2 at least 🥹🥹🥹

→ edwards.73 yes bro ur #2 🙄

→ adamfantilli #2 literally means shit

→ rutgermcgroarty awww luca you’re shit 🥰

→ luca.fantilli hahaha ur so funny

yourusername stop ignoring me please

username37 ethan and mark best duo ⁉️⁉️

username74 let’s talk about the fact that that’s a whole ass mural in a house???

→ username59 frat house go crazy

_quinnhughes stop ignoring her ethan

→ edwards.73 i’m not

trevorzegras should’ve invited me fr

→ edwards.73 buddy you’re on the other side of the country

→ trevorzegras PLEASEEEE 🥺🥺🥺🥺

→ edwards.73 ew god no

username16 this is so old chase atlantic coded

→ username44 LIKE THE NOSTALGIA EP??

→ username60 YEAAA

rutgermcgroarty PLEASE she’s sobbing uncontrollably and i know it’s killing you too

→ edwards.73 mmmm

→ rutgermcgroarty i see you on life360 outside her apartment dont even try to act all mysterious and shit

→ edwards.73 STOP STALKING ME??

→ rutgermcgroarty if i don’t see you still at her apartment when i wake up in the morning i’ll make sure you never wake up again

→ adamfantilli calm down rut 😭

→ colecaufield i see you’re a bit protective aren’t you rutgermcgroarty

→ mackie.samo why are we threatening each other

→ lhughes_06 okay why are his words effective but mine aren’t 😔😔

→ markestapa what the hell is going on

→ dylanduke25 FIGHT??

→ jackhughes more like a murder dylanduke25

→ vivianliu i stand by rut ‼️

username20 please just have makeup sex already i want the old posts back

→ username2 yeah i think they’re doing that 💀

next chapter notes ) soooo yes they’re a little toxic but i love my toxic men 🥴

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs @lilasianmeat

[ssparksflyy]

Hiii I hope you are having a great day!! I was wondering if you could make another percy jackson x daughter of Hecate reader? If you don’t/ can’t do it that’s fine I just though i would ask.

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

pairing: percy jackson x latina!daughter of hecate!reader warning(s): swearin an: dw i got ur 2nd request that u wanted reader to be latina :)) i just added in some little things that tie in ♡♡ srry if these are short btw </3

in the dead of night, your eyes so greennnnnnnn

you and percy tend to stay up later than most of camp

your always up and out after curfew

you js function better at night okay

me asf

the day is reserved for lake dates and the night is reserved for sky watching dates ♡♡

youre literally attached by the hip if you couldnt tell

as they say in waitress, i love you means your never ever getting rid of me ♡

you usually watch from the roof of cabin 3, just cuddled up and sharing a blanket

but once percy suggested you watch from the docks

and you were like oh!

not actually but you looked really hesitant

he was like whats wrong??

so you told him about la llorona !! #coquette

it was so preppy

but now youre both scared to go to the lake at night

even though yk shes not real

and youve literally been through tartarus

and back

and you face unimaginable horrors every day

and percy's literally the son of the sea god

mexican folklore is scary ok yall

idc if it didnt scare you as a kid / you like horror

I DONT

IM TRAUMATIZED

MY GRANDMA PUT ON LA LEYENDA DE LA LLORONA WHEN I WAS FIVE AND I HAVENT KNOWN A DAY OF PEACE SINCE

sorry for trauma dumping yall

kinda silly how some story about a lady who drowned her kids is enough to make 2 of camp half blood's strongest soldiers shake in their boots

so u stick to rooftops ♡

you and hazel are bestiessss

shes a honorary member of cabin 20 of course

you exchange tips and tricks, hazel telling you about the things she saw hecate do and the things she said to her

and you tell her about the things youve picked up over the years :))

percy cant help but smile whenever he sees you two together

he sees hazel as a sister

(yall remember in son when he was ready to fight somebody for her or something like that i dont remember exactly what he said but i do know he was ready to fight)

and ur his fav girl ever ♡

his heart just feels warmed

same way he feels when he sees you playing with estelle

you show her a bit of ur powers and she flips outtttt

she asks sally to be a witch for halloween because "i want to be just like (y/n)!!!"

dont know about yall but if i went home and my family found out i was involved with ~brujeria~ i would not be accepted at home (please read as if youre white and cant say shit in spanish)

thats just the mad religious side talking dont worry yall

but sally and paul would literally let you in with open arms

the jackson's apartment is your second home

percy has a drawer reserved for your clothes in his room ♡♡

he loves it when you sleepover, at home or at camp

he absolutely adores kissing your hands

he doesnt care about the dangers you can produce from them, he'll kiss em allllll he wants

you could be cuddled up together, ur reading to him and he just grabs one of your hands and begins to leave a trail of kisses up your arm, shoulder, neck, cheek, and eventually leaving one on your temple

it just gets you like 😵‍💫

he loves his badass girlfriend, okay?

literally your #1 fan

would beat up anybody who talks shit !!!

tea is your holy ground ♡

because you cant drink coffee

cause ya know, adhd, youll just end up knocking out

though you do drink it when you cant fall asleep at night

its me, hi

and hot chocolate is strickly an only-in-december drink, because then it wont hit in december, since you had it earlier in the year

(my mom does that with gorditas and tamales broooo its painful)

so ya drink tea!

i dont drink tea, so im not even gonna try to tell you what his favorite is

he likes whatever you like

but you try a bunch of different teas and stuff together :)

youd probably adopt a black cat together when youre older

youre never gonna beat your neighbor's witch allegations

(probably because theyre true but youll obviously never say that)

i feel like percy would be more of a dog person but lets be real, he likes horses.

fuckin horse girl smh

but that does not mean he wouldnt love and care for the cat

he'd so let you stop to pet any stray cat you see on the street

takes pictures of the cat anytime you do ♡

you cook together !!

you teach percy a bunch of different recipes and stuff :)

has a 'kiss the cook' apron 100%

and what can ya say, you gotta kiss the cook

man you guys manage to stay silly throughout the horrors, we love

[alieeelinn]

Sandwich | Tyler Hernandez x fem reader

Content: Tyler hernandez x reader

Summary: Tyler has been running errands for the whole day and just needs to rest for a bit

Warning(s): there's Tyler angst if you squint but this is just fluff, since it's my first post, I wanna be nice

A/n: the reader also goes to the phantom realm btw. This is my first post hope yall will like it! I kinda suck at writing though, but my requests are open if you feel like requesting, and if you do request it might be a while before I do it since I never know what school has in stock for me

Tyler had lost track on how long he had been running errands and chores for. He felt exhausted, and he still needed to study since mid terms were just around the corner. He sighed as he stared at the book and notebook infront of him.

Taylor went to Ash's place about 2 hours ago since they had a group project together. Tyler dropped his head on the desk and sighed, he let out groan and looked at the clock on the desk.

3:45

There was still a couple more hours before going back to the phantom realm. He didn't even realize that his eyes were closed until they shot open when he heard a knock on the door. He furrowed his eyebrows 'That's weird? Tay wouldn't be back in another hour or so' he stood up and opened the door to their shared bedroom.

Another knock was heard as Tyler mumbled some words under his breath "can't this person wait?" Another knock was heard and Tyler swore that if the person behind the door would knock one more time- "what?" all the anger that was bubbling in him faded as his face softened when he recognized the familiar face infornt of him.

"Hi Ty! Hope you dont mind me coming here without telling you" the girl let out a chuckle, and oh how Tyler would have loved to hear it again, it was like music to his ears a melody that he would chose to listen forever if he could "hope I didn't annoy you with knocking more than I should have" Little did she know that she did, but it was her so he didnt mind.

He stepped aside to let her in and closed the door once she was inside "before I went here I actually got some bread since I wanted to go to that new Bakery people were talking about, and I got us some cinnamon rolls to try!"

He watched her put the plastic bag on the dinner table as she took out the stuff she had bought. I raise my other eyebrow and looked at the different kinds of bread she was taking out "why did you get so many?" She responded with a simple 'hmn?' and put the plastic bag away once she took out all of the bread inside the bag.

I look back to Tyler once I put the empty plastic bag aside, and see him holding one of the loaf bread that i had bought. He lift his head up and looked at me as he rose both of his eyebrows waiting for an answer from his question, I let out a small chuckle as I went back to the dinner table "I wasn't planning on buying three, my original plan was to buy some cinnamon rolls and a plain loaf bread, but thenn"

He looked at me as I took the loaf bread out of his hand and took the other one from the table "I saw that they had different flavors" I lift my right hand and showed him, as if then - and only then he realized that the loaf breads didn't look the same "this one is purple yam and this one is cheese" I smiled at him as he shook his head.

"You still shouldn't have bought so many" I watch him pull a chair out for himself and sat down, as he dropped his head on the table, I cringe as I heard his head hit the table. I put the loaf breads down and walked to his side "You okay Ty?" I asked as I sat on the table and played with his hair.

Ever since his dad passed, he was responsible of taking care of his mom and sister he became the head of the house running errands and doing chores, all at such a young age, he was probably used to it but - he was still human. He eats, sleeps and breathes, he was no boy with super powers, he was just a child. A child that needed to be protected to be kept safe. He went through so much at such a young age, he didn't deserve any of that.

"How about we go sleep for a while hmn?" I continue to play with his hair as I wait for his response "we still have a few more hours before we go back to the phantom realm" He lift his head from the table and stared at me with tired eyes.

My eyes softened and my heart ached, it hurt to see him like this, I just wanted to hug him tight and tell him how much of a good job he's doing staying so strong for his family. He pulled me closer as he hugs my waist and rests his head on my lap, we stay like that for a few minutes in comfortable silence as I continue to play with his hair.

"Let's go to your room so you can properly rest hmn?" He squeezed my waist then let go as he lift his face from my lap, I hop off from the table and as if on que when Tyler was about to stand up from his seat, his stomach let out a sound.

...

I look at Tyler and laughed, he looked away clearly embarrassed of what just had happened "okay, okay - maybe you should eat first then we can go sleep" I took the four cinnamon rolls that i got earlier and went to the kitchen counter "do you want to try the cinnamon rolls now or do you want me to make you a sandwich?"

He stood up and walked up to me "sandwiches are fine" I smile at him and went to put the cinnamon rolls in the fridge "you can go sit down I'll make the sandwich" He rose an eyebrow at me and I scoff "goo, shooo" he let out a chuckle as I push him to go sit down.

I grabbed a plate from the cabinet to put the sandwich on and then took the plate and walked to Ty "here" I smile at him and placed it down, I pulled a chair out next to him and sat down - I looked back to Tyler and he looked at me with confusion on his face "what?" He made a face that said I had the nerve to ask him 'what?' "You didn't make one for yourself?"

I smile and lightly shook my head, to think he doesn't get the hint that I want to take care of him, that all he has to do right now is rest yet, he still cares and asks why I didn't make myself one "not hungry, I eat a few chips before I went here" He looked at me for a moment like he didn't want to believe me or was about to protest that I should eat.

"Ya know, you're making me look like I'm a greedy boyfriend that wouldn't care if their partner were starving"

I let out a dramatic gasp "I am not!" He smirks and I gave him a playful smile and rolled my eyes "just eat" he started eating as we told eachother about our day, well mostly me but I knew he didn't mind.

Once he was finished eating I took his plate and went to the sink to wash it, while I was washing the plate I'm the corner of my eye he leaned on the counter with his arms crossed as he watched me do such a simple task "what?" He gave me a soft smile and said nothing, I rinse off the soap on the plate and put it in the rack "Alright let's go?"

We went to Tyler and Taylor's shared bedroom as he went in and went to the upper bunk bed, I close the door and went up aswell, I crawled to the other side as he opened his arms as I went to lay down beside him, I let out a sigh as I close my eyes slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Thank you for making me a sandwich" he said softly almost a whisper as he pulls me closer, I hum in response as sleep overtakes the both of us.

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 8: pride

chapter index | next chapter

“Fushiguro! What are you doing here?”

You watched as yuji approached, you didn't think him finding out would be like this. The noise surrounding you drowned out, it all became white noise and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. It was as if you were waiting for the drop on a rollercoaster, all this adrenaline and anxiety about to crash. All you could think about was the possibility that sukuna was with yuji but just not in sight.

Yuij said your name and you snapped out of it “is this your niece?” He smiled

Yuji turned to look at gojo and at the kid he was holding, she looked no older than 3 but there was something off. You saw the gears turning in his head but you were hopeful he wouldn’t put two and two together considering airi was wearing her hat that covered most of her hair— which was the giveaway.

But you spoke too soon as airi grabbed the hat and tossed it on the ground and said “mommy I don’t want this anymore” followed by a pout

You visibly cringed at her poor timing, truly she couldn’t have picked a worse time and she didnt even notice. Yuji bent down to pick up the hat and as he looked at airi again it seemed to click into place.

Yujis brain was slow to the resemblance but as the kid called you “mom” realization hit him like a truck. But his mind kept telling him it wasn’t possible, there was no way sukuna could have a kid, right? But his familys pink hair and his brothers red eyes were too rare to deny. And the pout she seemed to wear was strikingly similar to sukunas brooding expressions.

Words caught in his throat he couldn’t speak as he tore his eyes away from the little girl in gojos arms and looked at everyones faces. He realized nobody had spoken the entire time, and the look of guilt that riddled your faces tells him this wasn’t supposed to happen.

He looked to fushiguro first, hoping he’d say something but he refused to make eye contact. You also refused to look at yuji but he could see that your eyes were glassy as if on the verge of tears, while gojo just looked at yuji with an apologetic face. All he does is stick his hand out to you, handing over the hat that airi threw.

“Thank you” you said quietly, as you turned to put the hat back on airis head you saw her eyes widen and her face laced with curiosity, she was staring at yuji but you don’t know what her reaction was about.

“He has my hair!” She said excitedly and tapped you to get you to look at yuji

Airis favorite thing was when her dolls had pink hair or any character that had pink hair. She often found that the friends at the park and most people around her did not have the same pink hair as her so she got excited at anything that slightly resembled her

“I know, baby” you said sadly you couldn’t even bring yourself to reprimand her for throwing her hat, you didn’t want her to think that behavior was okay but that was also the last of your concern

“Who is this?” Yuji finally found his voice, his tone came across as impatient

You wondered how to approach the subject but before you could speak yuji spoke again “fushiguro? You gonna tell me?” Megumi looked startled that he was called out

The lack of responses or reactions was aggravating yuji, why couldn’t anyone just tell him what hes already thinking? He’s asking and getting nothing in response its like dealing with a bunch of sukunas

You hated that megumi felt called out so you finally found the nerve to speak up “This is airi… my daughter” you finally looked him in the eyes and all he did was nod in response waiting for an elaboration

“Airi say hello, this is your uncle yuji”

“Hi yuji” she said a little more shy this time because she wasn’t a big fan of strangers and the initial excitement of the pink hair washed away the longer yuji stood in front of her

All he could do was wave back with a half smile before he spoke “I dont understand… sukuna never even told me” he looked at you again “is this why you guys broke up?”

You shook your head “yuji, he doesn’t know about her…”

Yuji swore if his jaw wasn’t attached it would’ve fallen to the floor, he looked at gojo and fushiguro to make sure he wasn’t being pranked or something but they just looked uncomfortable

“Did you know?” Yuji asked megumi

“I did”

He doesn’t know if feeling angry is the right thing for him to feel but hes feeling it anyways but before he could ask why megumi would keep that from him you cut in

“I asked him not to tell you, its not his fault” but yuji wouldnt look away from megumi

“This might not be the best place to talk about this” gojo finally spoke up making a good point because none of you had realized you were taking up a lot of space in the crowd while people had to push past you and some stared wondering what the issue was

You nodded in agreement “we’ve been here a while anyways I dont want her getting sick” you were referring to airi. “Do you want to come back to our house with us yuji? Im sorry if you have plans its just a lot to talk about and this isn’t the place” your mind suddenly remembering sukuna could be around and you had to leave while you could

"I was just leaving the movies" yuji lied he didnt want to risk rescheduling an explanation for this. He followed fushiguro and his family back to their car, he texted junpei that he wasn’t gonna make it to the movies normally he would’ve felt bad but every emotion was running through his brain right now

“I can take her toru you’ve been holding her for a while” your voice was shakey as your nerves calmed down. You stretched your arms out but airi shook her head she didn’t want to go with you because gojo had the blue cotton candy that she was now eating more than her own

“Well she’s decided no, so I can’t complain” gojo joked “although she is eating my cotton candy” he half pouted while airi smiled

“I told you” you replied slightly laughing feeling beyond thankful for satorus ability to take your mind off the current situation

Megumi trailed slightly behind watching how yuji observed you and gojos interactions. He couldn’t say he blamed yuji it was an interesting dynamic, but he would be lying if he said it wasn’t making him anxious just thinking about what was gonna happen after this

———

The car ride home was filled with an awkward silence other than airis mindless rambling about her day, that you were all present for except for yuji so he genuinely tried to pay attention. Once you arrived home, gojo led the boys to the living room while you changed airi into her pjs and brushed her teeth, her bed time was soon and you wanted to get this out of the way now. Once you joined the boys back in the living room, airi ran to her toys that you hadn’t cleaned up that morning

“So why haven’t you told sukuna” yuji wasted no time quite frankly he didn’t want to beat around the bush or play nice right now he was genuinely irritated

“We broke up its true and I really don’t know why” you sighed chewing your lip because you were anxious “he moved shortly after that but about two months later he visited me one last time but by the time I woke up the next morning he was gone with no way for me to contact him”

Yuji was listening but watched as airi pulled on fushiguros sweater asking him to play tea party with her and when fushiguro said yes (to yujis surprise) she had the biggest smile on her face which made yuji feel less angry about the fact that fushiguro didn’t say something sooner

“I know that sounds like I didn't even try but believe me I did but after 2 years I gave up” you sat back into a more comfortable position “I always wanted to be a mom but I knew I couldnt afford it until satoru offered that I move in with him, if I’m being honest she wouldn’t be here if not for him”

Yuji was shocked that gojo would do something so selfless, it doesn’t come across as his character he seemed to carefree in a sense “how old is she” yuji asked

“3 she’s turning 4 in march”

Yuji looked at you suddenly wondering if her birthday was near his and you answered his unspoken question “march 21st”

“Wow” was all yuji could say slightly shocked at how that worked out

“I haven’t told him because not only has he not apologized, I’m worried that if he does suddenly decide to be there for her, what happens when he decides to up and leave again like he did with our relationship” you sighed “I cant put airi through that”

You spoke even quieter next “and if im being honest I don’t even think he’d care about having a kid”

Yuji can understand that, he knows his brother isn’t exactly reliable but a part of him wants you to give sukuna another chance. Not because his brother necessarily deserved it but because he selfishly wanted that concept of family. If yuji was also honest with himself he doesn’t think airis existence would change anything for his brother either, he doesn’t know what kind of reaction she would warrant from the emotionally stunted man. For that fact alone yuji can understand your decision, and now he’s at war with himself trying to decide if he would go home to his brother with the truth.

“Will you ever tell him?” He hopes you say yes for the small part in him that feels like his brother should know about his own kid and because maybe time will change things

“I haven’t talked to him in years yuji, and most importantly I know he doesn’t want anything to do with me” you say in a somewhat lighthearted tone trying to hide the hurt and irritation you feel having to say that out loud

Yuji wants to tell you you’re wrong that his stupid brother is still in love with you and that he has even said he shouldn’t have left you. Yet he doesn’t because he somehow felt that you wouldn't accept those words if it wasn’t from sukuna himself. And a part of yuji admires that about you, no matter how frustrating it makes the current situation

“Thank you” yuji whispered out

You stare at him caught off guard not sure why hes thanking you

“You had all this going on and you still let me come over and were always so nice” he shrugged and continued “and I guess for her too, its pretty cool I have a niece” yuji smiled at you

Your eyes welled up with tears and you just put your face in your hands trying to stop from the scream that wants to claw its way up your throat, you feel so stupid with how complicated all of this has become and for a minute there you actually doubt your decision to not tell sukuna until yuji speaks up

“I wont tell him… a part of me wants him to know because he’s my brother and I love him but I think it’s probably your choice and I do understand why you wouldn’t want to put her through that” and at that he notices gojo rubs your back in an attempt to calm you down

“Thank you yuji” you sniffle lifting your head to smile at him and in that moment he thinks airi has your smile

For the next hour yuji finds himself joining airi and fushiguro in playing with her kitchen playset while still talking to you and gojo. Airi warmed up to yuji happy to have someone else to play with and she actually thought he was fun, megumi also felt happy (not that he’d admit it) that he could finally (somewhat) go back to normal

Yet much to her protest you spoke up “okay airi its bed time” You tried to sound nice but you know she hates it

“But I don’t want to mommy” she pouted and the water works started you understand why she’s upset she’s finally having fun with megumi and yuji but you already extended her bed time by half an hour, any more and you knew she'd get cranky

“I know baby but you can play with them more next time, okay?” Yuji perked up happy to know you’d still want him to come back around

Airi wouldn’t admit it but she was sleepy so her fit didn’t last long she cried quietly as she nodded but continued to say goodnight to everyone including yuji but she didn’t give him a hug like she did to satoru and megumi. You weren’t going to make her either, he was still someone new and if she didn't want to that was okay.

“Bye airi! We’ll play more next time, okay?” Yuji smiled and waved his hand and she waved back while sniffling. You smiled at the interaction knowing that airi would definitely want that.

A few minutes later you came back from putting airi to sleep, yuji and gojo were talking about some tv show as megumi sat on his phone. “Will we be seeing you for megumis birthday?” You asked yuji

Megumi looked up from his phone not expecting you to ask that but thankful you did because he wanted to know that too

“Yeah im still down, next week right?” He turned to megumi

Megumi simply nodded, “but I should probably get home” yuji spoke again and he sounded sad, he stood up from the couch making sure he had his phone

You walked over to him and gave him a hug “you can come over whenever now, airi would love that too” yuji nodded but said nothing as he hugged you back and he had to stop himself from tearing up a bit because even though it wasn’t how he imagined he felt like this could be the family dynamic he needed

“Do you need a ride? I can take you home” gojo offered

“If you wouldn't mind” yuji smiled awkwardly

When gojo and yuji left you began to clean up airis toys, usually you would have her help but it was too late. Megumi spoke up as he helped you "are you okay?"

you didnt look at him not because you were mad you just needed a breather it was a lot to handle emotionally, you nodded "im fine, are you?"

megumi nodded too "i'm sorry I know you didn't want this to happen"

you shrugged "its not your fault, what's done is done and if i'm being honest maybe it won't be so bad im sure him and airi will get along great. I thought he would definitely tell sukuna but it seems like he wont"

"I really hope so" megumi responded

———

As gojo dropped off yuji, he thanked him for everything and was thankful the drive wasnt awkward considering everything that happened. But now for yuji, it was more so about having to face Sukuna, and with what he knows now he wasnt sure how to. Yuji knew Sukuna would be home after all, it was a weeknight and sure enough as yuji walked inside, sukuna was sat at the kitchen table with his computer

“Where have you been?”

“The movies” yuji lied, annoyed because he knows his brother didnt ask cause he was worried but because he wanted to know if yuji had been at your house

Yuji glanced at the kitchen completely forgetting he hadn’t had dinner but it didnt matter now, he had lost his appetite. As yuji joined sukuna at the table he debated bringing you up just to gauge his mindset about you. To yuji, his brothers reaction would tell him what to expect about possibly knowing about airi

Sukuna noticed yuji was off he wasn't as talkative and he was fidgeting a lot more like he was nervous which meant he wanted to ask something, “What? Spit it out”

“Would you really never speak to her again?”

Sukuna felt his heartbeat speed up he knew yuji was asking about you but he doesn’t know why he would “you’re asking me this shit again? Dont ask me about her”

“Answer me sukuna” yuji had an anger in his eyes and voice that his brother didnt know how to place

“And what makes you think you can talk back to me like this? Dont forget who’s paying for the roof over your head and the goddamn food you eat”

Yuji recognized the anger in sukunas voice and wanted to back down but he continued “I know you still love her… I know you regret breaking up with her”

Yuji didn't even have to look at his brothers face yet he could just imagine the look of disdain “you talk a lot when you’re drunk yknow, you just don’t remember” yuji mumbled as he stood up from his chair, it screeched on the floor and echoed through the silent house. Anger welled up inside him and he needed to go to sleep so the day could just be over, not saying anything else to sukuna

Sukuna sat there wanting to be angry but he felt proud in a sense that yuji spoke up but pissed that it was aimed towards him. Especially about you, and what made sukuna sit there wallowing even more is that he really doesn’t remember saying those things but it’s a truth he’s been refusing to accept in his sober state. Not that he knew why yuji was all of sudden pissed but it made sukuna bitter that he admitted those things out loud and even worse that yuji never said anything sooner.

The anger he was feeling throughout the week simmered down to a longing feeling that he despised, but yet he asked himself anyways… could he finally admit that he regretted breaking up with you?

And he finally swallowed his pride enough to say (entirely sober) what he’s been denying for the past 4 years…

That yes, with every fiber of his being he regretted it.

next chapter

[thefruitbin]

something i like about the blue eye samurai is that they let mizu be a woman. And i know thats ironic since shes had to instead be a man, or let ppl assume shes a man so she could be safe or taken seriously. If anything they dont let her actually choose. idk if that makes any sense, but when i didnt know anything about this show i immediately expected the protagonist to be a man. Usually men play those roles, or whatever. So when i heard her voice in the trailer, i got excited! I hoped that she would be a woman, bcuz i rarely see women who dont look perfect, who arent wearing like skin tight suits or whatever portrayed this way. For me personally i always end up wanting a woman to be in the “mans shoes” or whagever the fuck. I wish i could articulate myself better. Like fuck they actually let a woman look badass as fuck, shes treated with respect in portraying her skills (by the story), and she isnt like the epitome of beauty (for social standards or whatever, to me she’s absolutely frickin gorgeous)

They actually let her exist outside of this lens of what woman should look like or act like. I know its been done before or whatever, but fuck it i barely see woman depicted in this same lens as a man and not make some joke about it. Shes not degraded to a sex object, her appearance isnt perfect or the beauty standard, she gets to be a killer and skilled swordsman in the same light as taigen. It felt rlly great.

I personally struggle with my gender identity, i feel somehow someway im not woman enough. So seeing mizu sort of go through not fitting this sort of standard, having this idea of being a man forced upon her, its all so complicated and interesting and relatable. Maybe that says something about me, maybe it doesnt. But im so excited to see where they take mizu and her gender. Akemi feels like such a foil against mizu. She fits the beauty standard, shes observed as a woman and has her own power. She’s unfortunately the luckiest a woman could be in the story, her being married and such was better than being sold. But still powerless at the same time. It makes sense why mizu was dismissive of akemi at the beginning, to her it looked like akemi was just a brat, but even akemi struggles with not being taken seriously. Mizu on the other hand doesnt fit the standard, being mixed, seen less than human for not fitting the standard, not being “woman” enough (the whole husband thing where her actually being better than him immediately made her husband like dismissing of her and possibly ratting on her as well) the whole constant thing of her “mom” telling her she doesnt have good looks, it often felt like mizu was fighting against not only being mixed and “not pure”, but also fighting against what a woman could exist as..”not pure”. She could not just plainly exist.

Gender stuff is so damn complicated and its something ive struggled with. Ive tried exploring the idea that maybe im trans, maybe im a man or nonbinary. But it felt so relieving to see mizu as a character. Something that stuck out to me was when she was talking to her ex husband. He asked “u wanted to be a man?” And she said something along the lines of “i had to be one” and it felt sort of vindicating in the sense that damn idk.. like me and my siblings have struggled with our genders and whats expected of us, especially within our culture. Ive had conversations with my sister like about how sometimes we do wish we were men. To be taken seriously, to easily do things without feeling so judged. Maybe cis people dont do that, maybe they do, its okay.

I just love mizu, and im so excited to explore this story.

[clownmoontoon]

WAAUAUGHHGH HELLO FRIENDS ITS UPDATE TIME!!!!!

if you have or havent kept up w my talky posts lately heres a general rundown of all the things + an update! A LOT'S BEEN GOIN ON ALDKJASD

this is the promised more detailed break down of events, so feel free to scroll down to the end to get the TLDR!! <3

i realized thru therapy n talkin to friends/my sisters that my mother is an Abusive Gaslighting Narcissist (thank u therapist i love this title sm) and a whole lotta things in my life started making sense (like why i felt worthless/like a burden! my mom was actively trying to make me feel this way lol!!)

SO i reconnected w my sisters who i hadnt spoken to in ages bc i thought they hated me (guess why lol) and started keeping them updated win all the happenings that were happening! we agreed to keep our reconnection a secret from our mom for now, as it became clear she had tried to keep the three of us apart so she could guilt us separately for money and we wouldnt ask any questions if stories told to one didnt make sense with the other (none of them made sense LOL)

tho i tried to keep it on the dl it was hard to hide the fact that i was now aware abuse was happening, even if i didnt say anything i had p much decided to stop grovelling/begging for love/begging for respect bc i realized my mom was never gonna give me any of that no matter how much money i gave her ( in retrospect it sounds obvious when i put it like that but when youve been living it your whole life its quite a shock! :,o) ) so the lack of grovelling/paying for love started to make my mom quite angry and she started to escalate her abuse bc at this point none of us were giving her any money and she was aware i had money and was refusing to give it (i told her i had to save for one of my kitten's spay surgery, which was true, and the idea that i would use my money for anything other than giving to her made her veeerry angry) suddenly there wasnt enough money for food, not enough money for gas to drive me to work ( a less than 5 min drive vs a nearly 45 minute walk with no sidewalk along a busy road aa), etc u get the idea all the while my mom kept trying to guilt me for more money while always seeming to suddenly have the money when i kindly held my ground and refused to give anything (she kept buying her blonde hair dye, kept getting her car washed, buying JUST enough food for when she was in the house etc) in the end walking all that way was good bc the 5 min car ride was a lot more stressful and i was able to stop and get food on the way during this time i had talked w friends and my sisters about moving out, I REALLY WANTED TO, but no one could house me and my four cats and honestly i dont fault any of them for that, taking on a whole other person is a lot, much less someone w four cats no matter how well behaved they are ^^;

as my mom got angrier she made it clear how much of a burden i was now that i was saving my money, telling me the sooner i move out the better, threatening to call police if i dont leave etc (all very clear bluffs in hopes that id pay up out of fear, she refuses to admit she relies on me to take care of the house and her dogs) until one day i was taking notes on a class on my laptop and she walked in front of me and slammed my laptop shut and started ranting about why should i get to use the water or electricity etc essentially telling me i wouldnt be allowed to shower, take classes or do work until i started giving her all my money

also for those who dont know i wasnt living with her bc im a huge bum that loves mooching off my mom lmao we had an agreement, and she emphatically told me that i didnt need to pay to live there so long as i was working on my career and took care of my cats -> all things i continued to do despite it all lmao shes just very good at making me feel worthless enough that i give her all my money, i have no savings bc of this and didnt even realize why asdkl;jasd

ANYWAY one night she got angry enough that i genuinely felt scared, i had mentioned before that in my teens and early 20s i thought my mom was going to kill me and hadnt felt that way in some years til that night the look in her eyes was so ... dark? like immediately i felt "oh shes going to hurt me" she didnt, she just walked past me and didnt say anything but the look was there. i called both of my sisters the next day and told them that if anything happened to me to not believe our mom if she said it was an accident or that i did smth to myself etc and that 100% she did it and did it on purpose that was enough for my oldest sister who said suddenly during the call "what if i just come get you??" my oldest sister lives in virginia and i lived in ga which is a roughly 8 hour drive so i didnt think she'd really do that, and i reminded her i have 4 cats to which she responded "FUCK MY LANDLORD" LMAO she has a big house and told me theres plenty of room and tho the landlord said no more cats (she already has two and theyre registered as therapy animals) they hardly ever visit and always call first so we can do a quick hide or take the kitties for a ride or smth when they come

SOOOO SHE DROVE DOWN ON SUNDAY, STAYED IN A HOTEL, CAME MONDAY MORNING WHILE OUR MOM WAS AT WORK, HELPED PACK UP ALL MY STUFF INCLUDING MY KITTIES AND WE MADE OUR GREAT ESCAPE!!! \QUQ/

im mostly settled in my sister's house now and things are going great!! everyday im realizing just How Bad my mom's house was and it boggles my mind!!! ive never Not lived in an abusive home and finally being out is like!!! WHAT!!! it may sound small but just being able to wash my clothes and have food whenever im hungry is such a BIG DEAL to me and its just a given here and im rolling around like WHAT IS THIS LMAO ALSO MY CATS HAVE MADE THEMSELVES AT HOME AND ARE SO HAPPY AND COMFY AND THEY PLAY EVERYDAY AND ARE REALLY ENJOYING THE STAIRS BC THEYVE NEVER EXPERIENCED STAIRS BEFORE LMAO AND EVERYONE HERE LOVES TO PET AND CUDDLE THEM!!! \QUQ/ IM SO HAPPY!!! <3<3

TLDR: MY SISTER MOVED ME INTO HER BIG HOUSE IN VA W ALL 4 OF MY CATS AND THINGS ARE GOING GREAT \QUQ/

[rzyraffek]

OH OH REQUEST IDEA....TAKING SLASHERS HOME TO MEET YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE THATS LIKW SUPER SMART

Billy Micheal and Jason are the only ones i care about but you can add whoever

Omg hi!! Thanks for request!

They/them, sfw and request open

Slashers meeting s/o perents

Billy Lenz

Why would you do that

No fr why would anyone think this was good idea

Guy cant say a sentence without swear words or weird sex jokes😭

But fr billy will be so nervous!! Lil baby doesn't know how to behave!

S/o has to give him tutorial how to act like normal human and not 3rats in trench coat

Perents will be... alarmed to say the least... like really?? You could pick anyone but you picked oversized goblin?? Wow s/o

If s/o has younger siblings, he will bite them btw

Usually perents want to have grandchildren but oh god oh no not with this guy please s/o think about it!!

Billy vibes tbh he likes s/o perents they goofy. He also ate raw pasta. All of it

He told s/o dad that he wants lego for chrismas btw

Micheal Myers

How much you drank to think thats a good idea

Soo you telling me you bf is a serial killer?

At least he won't say anything rude, and s/o perents are too intimidated to say something rude about him🥰peace

Micheal just stares really, hes harmless for now

Yes s/o mom will call them to make sure that they aren't kidnaped and this all stuff is acually consensual

Live laugh love dont get stabbed by Michael

Yall can't even eat a dinner together 😔my guy looks like npc. Like yall just sit nicley and my homie just🧍 he doesn't even eat he just looks at yall, he totally judges their outfits

Hide your pets away he might eat them. You have pet hamster? What hamster?

Jason Voorhees

Omg homeboy is stressed! What if they don't like him:((

At first their perents were intimidated by him, but s/o's mom and him got along very fast! They are baking cookies together! Also if s/o has smol siblings or animals o my god he is bff with them instantly

Their mom and him acually got along faster than s/o with jason when they met first time!

Helps with carring heavy stuff... you bought new fridge? Call up son-in-law jason to help out (s/o mom has him named like that in contacts in phone)

Perents kinda wonder where he lives, when s/o told them that he has vintage cottage in Forest they started to think that hes rich or something

S/o perents already hope that yall get married

Asa emory

My dude bought suit for that appointment

He promised not to talk about skinning people while yall are eating dinner. He is so dreamy

Got along very well with s/o's dad, they are talking about fishing or something idk what dads are into lol

Almost fell asleep when their mom was talking

I WANTED TO WRITE " when their mom was talking about that she wants grandchildren" BUT ITS SOUNDS WAY FUNNIER THAT WAY

He was scared to eat dinner, it looked.... suspicious... he never trusted cheesy lasagna

Anyways Asa and their dad are besties now, they will go fishing next week

He cried in car after meeting "S/O IM NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN IT WAS SCARY IF I HEAR YOUR MOM SAY ANYRGING ABOUT GRANDCHILDREN AGAIN IM GOING TO DOX HER SO HARD SHE WONT EVEN HAVE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE THEM"

I didnt write any headcanons for few weeks i hope it was good or at least readable

[suffarustuffaru]

A while ago someone asked you for your thoughts on Garfiel. I figured the sibling set should be complete, so what are your thoughts on Frederica?

HALLO FINNB!!! interesting question :o my thoughts on frederica are. a little mixed. but ultimately i think what we’ve seen from her so far is interesting and that she has a lot of potential here.

we just dont know all that much about her :(( on one level i get it—rezeros cast is immense and naturally tappei has to rotate through everyone and give every character focus and spotlight at different times. but bc we dont know that much about frederica i feel like shes mostly just Kinda There, yknow? :<< we know way more about garfiel and i feel like frederica being kept on the backburner for so long kinda works against her and the emilia camp in general writing wise just bc she just has to be stuck in I Havent Had My Character Arc Limbo when the emilia camp is the main group we see consistently for rezeros main route ig. or at least thats my thoughts on it atm :<<

plus i was honestly kinda sad frederica didnt get to go along in arc 5 If Only bc she didnt get to see what her mom is up to firsthand. then theres the actual arc 4-5 interlude with frederica and garf trying to bond after sanctuary that i HOPE gets included in s3 :<< frederica is just lacking in screentime and literally almost any info at all for sure. which makes me sad bc tappei LET ME IN I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HER !!! >:(((

and again i get it that tappei cant develop every character in existence at the same time. dude has to juggle the most massive cast especially by arc 7. but definitely this has its drawbacks especially with the way tappei writes everyone. bc at the moment frederica is one of the characters suffering the most from it—she appeared all the way back in arc 4 and four arcs later i cannot tell you all that much about her :<

i do think though that what we do see from her so far is interesting!! her insecurity regarding her appearance, like her sharp teeth, her being so fond of petra while also being so dead set on disciplining petra firmly when needed (which is sweet!!!), that one ss where frederica takes care of ram when shes feeling more under the weather than usual (which is Again super super adorable), frederica listening with a smile as emilia gushes about subaru to her. and also her just flatly pitying otto and hearing this guy say hes totally normal and being like “he Literally cannot perceive himself accurately at all” + dropping otto in the anime just to hug petra is fucking hilarious i need fredotto fics to actually acknowledge this.

but also other details like—and ok granted i dont remember every detail on frederica (yet) but leaving garfiel like that is still kind of. a dick move HAH. and i know her reason was smth along the lines of wanting to improve the outside world for demihumans iirc but like whats her Full Reasons for doing all that?? what was she even planning to do?? why couldnt she talk to or see garfiel more in this entire time period?? i think it comes with the interesting implication that frederica isnt entirely as nice and sweet as she looks—or at least that of course she herself is flawed. which is fun!!

also her relationship with clind is. ………..naturally of course i dont trust tappei with anything regarding children and clinds weird shit with children but ignoring tappei for a moment i do at least appreciate the complicated thoughts frederica has about clind. how she had feelings for him once and they still linger but she keeps her distance bc hes like That, you know? that feeling of broken trust and “i cared for you now what do i do with This Feeling” is So interesting to me i just hate clind’s whole thing with children bc tappei will never write it in an entirely serious and satisfactory manner 😭 BUT greed if and the dynamic between frederica and clind and frederica having to help kill / kill clind bc of greedbaru and echidnas shit is SO interesting (and clinds lore apart from being Creepy About Children is very interesting). but also poor frederica……….. ;-;

and poor frederica bc if the rumors about her getting more development by like arc 10 or 11 are true then shes gonna be stuck in I Havent Gotten Development Yet Limbo for a while ;-;

but yeah anyway. the frederica crumbs so far are interesting, the shit going on with frederica and garfiels family is Interesting, and i definitely dont trust tappei with children 👍 but i hope we get more info on frederica and that her character arc slaps really hard !! i Need to learn more about her!!!

im not fully familiar with fredericas side of the complicated family drama but if memory serves me right her birth was. not an entirely happy affair bc her poor mom has been through A Lot of shit and frederica was a product of that. and then her mom later tries to go find garfiel’s dad. like all of that is just so incredibly sad to me and again, i wish frederica was there to see what happened to her mom in arc 5, and also im curious about how thats affected frederica more in depth. knowing she wasnt exactly wanted. having these demihuman features from her dad (im assuming), whos also One Of the people who hurt her mom. knowing that she was born a burden, learning that her mom cant entirely take care of her and isnt in a stable life situation and almost certainly isnt mentally stable herself. garfiel coming along and their mom leaving. frederica leaving garfiel in sanctuary herself. her growing up admiring clind, which is an unfortunate parallel to what couldve happened with her mom and garfiel’s dad. its just so so tragic to me and theres a lot of things you could explore there!!

frederica to me seems like someone whos probably grown up too fast, who comes off as composed and very disciplined and likes taking care of others but also fumbles a little at growing closer and is insecure and uncertain herself even as shes good at being the older and wiser one to petra and later garfiel a bit. but also we dont know much about her so im kinda just spitballing here but she has potential methinks :,) im definitely sad that it seems like the fact that shes a pretty anime waifu or whatever kinda overtakes discussions on her character sometimes ;-;

and also one of my pals is really passionate about animals and gave me a whole lecture once a few years ago on why they think fredericas beast form design fucking sucks and i cant remember all of their points now but like i Will back them up i think garfiel and fredericas beast forms could look better but im not an expert at illustrating animals so HAH i cant speak on that. but def the eyebrows on the beast designs is so…… whaaaaat is that 😭 go FULL beast design or NOTHING. WHERE IS MY EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA BUFF FREDERICA BEAST DESIGN !!!

also ngl i just think frederica looks really cute in this shot <333 ALSO iirc she feels like she cant wear cute outfits bc shes insecure about her body and :((((( GIVE THIS GIRL ALL THE CUTEST OUTFITS IN THE WORLD PLEASE :((( and also i just think its a tragedy just how much shes sexualized :(( and i just think there are. a lot of AFAB specific and girlhood specific themes you could explore with fredericas storyline but tappei is tappei so all the foundation is there but idk if i entirely trust him. but on another level i think its fascinating yeah!!! sad how much it flies over audiences heads sometimes.

in conclusion: i like frederica i hope we see more stuff from her. and im crying about how she reportedly wont be getting development for a wall :<<<<

[anarchyatthesupermarket]

HI i am having Thoughts about your necromancy au and i need to talk about it. i was trying to convince my sister to read it so that i could have someone to talk to about it. but then i realised. yknow who definitly also has Thoughts about YOUR necromancy au? you. feel free to delete this ask i just wanted to ramble(about the later chapters specifically)

Call this my toxic trait buttt I dont think Rae did anything wrong in raising his mom from the dead. LIKE why the fuck shouldnt he?? His mom(and grandpas) didnt deserve to die, why the fuck should he let them, when he HAS the power to bring them back?? like??? Also not Momboo being a massive bitch telling Isla her son deserved to die. LIKE GIRL. i know you have issues but that is NOT how you talk to a grieving mother. ABSOLUTELY DESPICABALE behaviour. ALSO im pissed off at Fenris, Caspian and Aax. Like not them confirming Rae's worst fears when he actually tells them about Momboo and sends HIM away. and blah blah blah its their magic reacting badly but they dont even TRY to sympathise with him. Als.o like Fenris you are literally dating another necromancer. You cannot give Rae shit for being a necromancer without then applying that to your BOYFRIEND???

ALSO funny how when Rae raised HIMSELF from the dead, taht didn't trigger their magic or whtv, but when he was revived by Momboo it DID. 🤔🤔🤔🤔 (I dont think this will go anywhere but. thats beside the point.) Actually wait no maybe im onto somethign here. Maybe its because momboo fucked him up while reviving him!! maybe she did this on purpose!!! wait no i think im wrong. whateverrrr im being silly 😋

i cant wait to see how other characters react to Rae's new situation. I think(hope) that Athena and Jamie will still eb on his side.... actually maybe not. But i will hope.

At least Rae has Isla, even though everyone thikns hes a monster(THE EPIC PARALLELS ARE REAL) at least his plan didnt fail and his mom;s alive. slight consolation.

If i was Isla i would be HOSTILE to the afformentioned people (Fen,cas,aax momboo) if the situation gets resovled and doesnt end with Rae's eternal death. Hell id be hostile the entire fucking time. I want to see ISla kick someones shit for Rae because how DARE they call her son a monster for saving HER. do you think that would cause her guilt though? since she kinda maybe sorta ruined her sons life? that he ruined his own life to bring her back?

OKAAY ANYWAY thats most of my thoughts. can you tell that Rae is my favourite character no matter the universe? Can you also tell how unwell i am about this au? i think about it..frequently.... again feel free to delete this i just needed to share my thoughts ad feelings with SOMEONE

I also have so many thoughts about my necromancy au, it's just rotating in the back of my brain 24/7. I'm really hoping this all makes sense.

I agree with you, there's very little reason that Rae shouldn't bring his family back and Momboo's reaction (while coming from a place of trauma and fear) was unreasonable. However, I raise this to you, Rae is dead, he can not age or die. At this moment with how it stands he is going to watch Isla grow old and die, if he brings Raemond and Everett back the same thing will happen. He brought Isla back and he's going to loose her again and why would he be any better at processing his grief. Necromancy can not stop old age.

As for what happened with Momboo bringing Rae back and then Aax/Fenris's magic reacting badly to that, I have so many thoughts about it bc it's also how I imagine magic working in this au. I'm going to try to make this make sense.

I imagine that everyone's magic inside them is like a well, you can take water out of it (to perform magic) and more water will flow in to replace that lost water. You can deepen the well to increase how much water can be taken out of it without it running dry (strengthening your magic) however, if you try to deepen the well too quickly then parts of it might cave in (think exercising without warming up leads to hurting yourself, you try to perform too much magic that you're not ready for and you get weaker because you pushed yourself too far). The thing is is that you don't want your well to collapse or run dry. Rae bringing back Isla caused both to happen. When Momboo brought him back she just refilled his well with water so he could rebuild his well (bring himself back to life because Rae relies completely on his magic to live, other people can survive their well of magic being emptied but he can't). Because of that there was life magic in a well meant for necromancy, it was like dumping a bucket of muddy water into a mountain spring, and it will take days for Rae's magic to replenish and wash out the life magic. Fenris and Aax sensed the life magic in him (magic that wasn't supposed to be there, magic that was wrong for who Rae is) and it set alarms bell off in their heads because that's Rae's body but that's not Rae's magic that's reanimated his corpse. That's what Len's magic and reanimating the hordes felt like, that was a necromancer's magic filling bodies not meant for that form of magic.

The same thing didn't happen when Isla or Centross were brought back because they are both necromancers and so is Rae. That is necromancy magic filling wells meant for necromancy. I don't think Momboo felt as much "wrongness" with bringing Caspian back either because of a combination of Caspian not having magic and Momboo being a life witch.

Rae being called not human is a correct statement because he's dead, he's a corpse that's walking around. He's an abomination/unnatural because he's "living" off of magic that is nothing like his own.

Rae is an abomination, he is a monster. He is both Len (the traitor, the monster, the original sin) and the hordes (the horror, the grief, the terror) that marched on cities. He is a reanimated corpse with the singular goal of bringing his family back no matter the cost.

This is not because of what type of necromancer he is (because there are types, I just haven't been able to talk about them yet), he brought Centross and Isla back with both of their desires being completely separate from his own. He has no control over them. His situation is a bit more like Len and the horde which Len has/had complete and utter control over. Rae didn't have enough magic to bring himself back to life completely (hence the no heartbeat/breathing/just being alive) but he did have enough magic to bring himself back as one of the "mindless undead" which have singular goals according to the necromancer who raised them, his goal being bringing his family back. He's not being rushed into doing that/given the illusion of free will because his "soul" inhabits his body since it was reanimated. Think of it like Rae's soul/ghost is possessing his body, if that helps, but ghosts usually are formed with some goal in mind like revenge, in Rae's case that goal is simply bringing his family back.

Anyways, I could keep talking about this but I feel like I'm making less and less sense as I go on. I'm always happy to answer asks about this series bc I am unwell about it. I hope this made sense and I'm glad you're enjoying the series!!

[joeys-babe]

Someday We’ll Be Together

Chapter 6: Realizations

————————————————————————

(joe's pov)

yesterday, i came to a realization. the feelings i had for y/n back in college never truly went away. i didnt admit to y/n's mom that she was right that i still liked y/n, but in my head i knew she was right.

she's why i finally broke up with lexie. i knew she treated me like shit and still stayed with her, but y/n being there to comfort me just made me want to end things. i wanted my attention to just be on her after all the shit i did to her while we were living in different states.

that's why i'm so jealous of her and tee. i wanted to be in the spot he was in; i wanted to be taking her on dates, i wanted her to watch me at practice, and hang out with the other girls because she was with me.

now that i've excepted the fact that i still have feelings for her, i need to come up with a plan. this time im not gonna chicken out, im gonna confess to her what i've wanted to tell her for a very long time.

the first step in that direction is actually talking to her, because i haven't been doing that the past couple of days.

come over?

that's the first text i sent to y/n. i've been an unreasonable jerk to her the past couple days so i'd be surprised if she answered

why? you've been ignoring me and now you want to hang out?

fair enough.

i want to apologize. thought it'd be better in person.

i'll be over in ten.

thank god she's not mad enough to refuse to see me.

the next ten minutes seem to go on forever. i sat on my bed just staring at the ceiling and waiting for a knock on the door or a ring from the doorbell.

i picked up my phone to see that had been 11 minutes, and i lost hope until there was a knock on the door followed by the doorbell.

i practically sprinted down the stairs, through the living room, and up to the door.

i took a deep breath before i opened the door, she had a pissed off look on her face.

"hey" - joe

"hey" - you

"come in" - joe moved to the side and let you in

she sat down on the couch, i followed and sat a couple feet away from her.

it was silent for a few moments, i was trying to collect my thoughts and perfect my apology. when i was ready i cleared my throat, causing y/n to look at me.

"i'm really sorry y/n. i shouldn't have ignored you like that.." - joe

she scoffed at my apology, and that's when i realized this was going to be a lot harder than i thought.

"why'd you do that?" - you

"i- i was just kind of annoyed that you were going on a date with one of my teammates." - joe

"what's so wrong with me going on a date with your teammate? wouldn't you rather i like someone you know rather than someone you don't?" - you

"it's just that if it didn't work out between you too i don't want it to be awkward at practice and at games. it's my job, and i can't have stuff like that messing with it." - joe

"that's not a good excuse. i'm confused because you call me your best friend but you don't want me to be happy." - you

"i do want you to be happy-" - joe

"no you don't!" - you raised your voice

"don't yell at me." - joe

"i can do whatever the hell i want! including going on dates with your teammates!" - you

"i'm just trying to protect you y/n!" - joe

"says the guy that dated a girl that was using him for 6 months. you can't even protect yourself, let alone protect me!" - you

i stayed silent for a second, that was a really low blow.

"do what makes you happy, and if tee makes you happy then go date him. i dont care anymore!"

- joe stood up from the couch and started walking towards the stairs

"wait joe! im sorry i shouldn't have said that- that was uncalled for.." - you

i ignored her comment and kept walking up the stairs, so much for apologizing.

"joe don't walk away, im sorry.." - you

"y/n i asked you to come over here to apologize to you for being such a dick and instead you yelled at me and brought up my shitty ex that i'm trying to get over." - joe yelled from the top of the stage

"i know, and i'm sorry." - you

i didn't reply and walked into my room, loudly

slamming the door and flopping onto my bed.

(y/n's pov)

of course this happens.

after what tee told me last night, i couldn't sleep.

i tossed and turned, replaying his words in my head over and over again.

the fact that you still have feelings for joe.

after losing hours of sleep i came to a realization.

tee was right. i still liked joe, i don’t think i ever really stopped.

but of course now that the very rare occasion that joe and i are both single is happening.. we’re fighting.

it’s honestly my fault, instead of excepting joes apology i accused him of him not wanting me to be happy and shoved his toxic past relationship in his face. not the ideal way to drop hints to your life long best friend that you have feelings for him.

“sweetheart.. you okay?” - your mom knocked on your bedroom door

it was now a few hours since my incident with joe, and i was feeling increasingly guilty. this was probably the third time my mom had come up here to check on me, one of the times being to tell me dinner was done but i didn’t leave my bed.

“no mom, i’m not okay” - you sniffled

“can i come in?” - your mom

“yeah..” - you

when my mom walked in to see me sprawled out on my bed with my face covered up with a blanket she sighed and let out a “oh honey” before sitting on the edge of my bed.

“wanna talk about it?” - your mom

“not really. but i know i probably need to.” - you leaned up

“so how’d this all start?” - your mom

“joe wasn’t exactly happy about my date with tee. so much so that he had been ignoring my calls and texts, and ignoring tee at practice.” - you

god these kids are so clueless, your mom thought.

“mhm” - your mom

“he asked me to come over today so he could apologize.. but i messed up.” - you

“what happened?” - your mom

“he told me he was sorry but i just kept arguing with everything he said. i yelled at him, and accused him of not wanting me to be happy. then i did something super bitchy mom..” - you

“oh lord, what’d you do?” - your mom

“he said he just wanted to protect me.. and i said says the guy that dated a girl that was using him for 6 months. you can't even protect yourself, let alone protect me.” - you

“y/n!” - your mom

“i know, i can’t believe i talked to him like that.”

- you

“i see why you’re upset.. what’s he do after that?” - your mom

“he started walking upstairs, saying that i should go do what makes me happy and if tee made me happy to go date him because he didn’t care anymore. i told him i was sorry and that i shouldn’t have said that, but he just went to his room and slammed the door.” - you

“oh honey.. i’m sorry but you really shouldn’t have said that.” - your mom

“i know.” - you

“so are you going to go out with tee again?” - your mom

“no. he said we’d be better off as friends.” - you

“that stinks, i knew you liked him.” - your mom

“that’s not even the worst part though mom.”

- you

“what’s the worst part?” - your mom

“earlier that night tee had asked me if i ever had feelings for joe, i told him only in college. well after tee told me that we’d be better off as friends he said there was something i wasn’t realizing, and when i asked him what that was he said i still had feelings for joe.” - you

“do you?” - your mom

“yeah.. i think i do.” - you sniffled and wiped your eyes

“y/n…” - your mom pulled you into a hug

“i realized it last night at like 3 am. it’s always just been joe. all along it’s just been him, ever since damn high school. i’ve been on so many dates, had boyfriends, failed talking stages. there have been some really nice great guys, but i just end up comparing them to joe. no guy compares to him, mom. he’s so sweet, genuine, protective, down to earth, one of the most hardworking people ever, he’s always been there for me, and i mean he’s the most handsome boy i’ve ever laid eyes on.” - you

“are you saying what i think you’re saying?”

- your mom smiled

“yeah.. i’m in love with joe.” - you grinned

“oh thank god! i was starting to think you were actually blind. i’ve known this since you guys were in middle school, i always knew you’d fall in love with him.” - your mom

“how do i fix this? i’m telling him how i feel this time, i’m not gonna chicken out. can’t really do that in this mess.” - you

“we’ll figure that out tomorrow, you need to go to bed and sleep. it’s been a long day for you.” - your mom stood up and walked up to the door, turning the light off and walking out of the room

it felt really good to finally get that off my chest and tell someone.

im in love with joe.

_________________________________

authors note: the motivation i have to write rn is insane.

hope you enjoyed ❤️

[astroceans]

11.02.22

i dont know how to stop it. the thoughts the memories. i thought that maybe when you decided it would all stop. contrary, they wont stop. im stuck thinking about the last 6 months and the times i could of been better and done better. the times where i should of stayed quiet where i should have loved you more. theres no benefit in thinking it though. i know you've made up your mind. and when i called you out i didn't think you would leave. i thought you'd stay like you had before. i thought you would fight more or maybe even just try. but this time you didn't. you left, you moved on. and now i think where i went wrong and if i could just been different. that if maybe i wasn't so messed up you would of stayed. maybe if i was less sad less me you wouldn't leave. but its ok. i know she is kind and she is beautiful. she is loved and taken care of. she can love you. and i know you deserve who takes away all the lies and brings you hope, poetry, and most importantly coffee. if i could talk to her, i would tell her this. his birhtday is january 10. hes actually not a typical capricorn but that might be because his mother is a cancer. hes emotional. he is kind. he is thoughtful. his love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. hes a great gift giver. he has the biggest heart. hes easily influenced. gym is his therapy. he loves his family especially his sister and his mom. hes actually a feminist. hes a clean person. his alcohol tolerance is suprsisngly high. he likes to party and have fun. but more importantly i think he likes to stay in and do nothing. his favorite color is blue but he looks great in orange. his favorite artist is j balvin. and his music taste is impeccable. hes cannot park if his life depended on it but hes a great driver. he has a sweet tooth and probably the reason he has so many cavities. his favorite sweet is donuts, coming in second gummies. his grandpa is his biggest inspiration. and like many people, he's been hurt too many times especially by me. he has the worst anxiety and overthinks too much. his best friend committed suicide and his cousin was close to. he needs reassurance and lots of love. overall, i think he's the only person who has fought for me and for our relationship something i couldn't understand and maybe why i can't let it go. 

i know you deserve more than i could ever give you. you deserve an easy love with someone who doesn't have so many layers to cut through. someone with less complications and more love to give. in fact someone who isn't afraid to be loved. i know my thoughts wont leave because i live with regret, i live with sadness. i know i'll have to live without you and live with the thought that i failed you. and more importantly that given the choice, you wouldn't choose me anymore. that i am no longer the girl you want to be with and the one you want to spend the rest of your life with . i am not the first thought in your mind and i am not the last one either. you have simply moved and found arms to come home to. and i am stuck being the sad story. the girl who cannot love and be loved. and maybe thats what kills me the most. you get to move on and i cannot even find myself talking to another person without crying. i cannot listen to music without breaking down. i cant eat without feeling guilty. that i've lost myself throughtout everything and it took you a week to move on. i'd like to ask you how you did it but i fear that when i hear your voice i would lose my breathe. i have no hope for life. and i find no pleasure in it. i live day by day hoping one day i feel less sad but its been a month and a half and i still can't listen to our song. i know its not your fault but how cannot it not be? when i told you this you didnt seem to care and you chose to move on. im so tired of crying and the sleepless nights. the calling out of work. the torturing myself at the gym. the breaking down every time i go out with my friends. you're the punchline to all my jokes and the topic of conversation when it comes to gossip. you're the theme of all my spotify playlists and the inspiration behind my new hair color. youre my excuse when my parents ask me why i can't be more active in church and the reason i dont text back any guy. the reason i've started smoking again. i dont want to love you anymore. but im sorry i love you.

[thesrctsoftheuniverse]

it took me two weeks but i finished season 5!!!! because i was on holiday for some of it i assumed it would take much less, but the wifi was shit and then once i got home something in my apartment broke so i just couldnt deal

anyway!!! here's my thoughts:

im sorry but no other disaster will ever compare to the tsunami. the earthquake came closest, but what in the world was this one??? especially because it didnt even get resolved, what do you mean the hackers just gave up? WHAT? that makes absolutely no fucking sense.

athena's storyline throughout the disaster episodes was fucking amazing though. i love her. and i love that harry had a bigger role too!! honestly, the way that dude was able to simply walk out of the courtroom was .... ridiculous but well i dont watch this show for its realism!!! but the way the storyline from the beginning of the season affected the entire grant-nash family was really great

michael and david???? hello that episode was amazing, the fire at the hospital, bobby going in and telling david that michael was going to PROPOSE!!!! i loved that episode, honestly big calls like that one are soooooo good!!! very sad that michael and david just straight up disappeared wtf

may!! i love you may. you are amazing may. you deserve the world. i loved seeing her grow and her conflict with her coworker. and I LOVED getting to know the other employees at dispatch even more, seeing their personalities shine through.

speaking of dispatch THE FUCKING BOSTON EPISODE??? i mean maddie straight up leaving and shit already affected the entire team ect and it was clear to see throughout the season but the boston episode was (to me) a kind of "maddie begins again" episode, where she slowly heals and gets back on her feet.

chimney is so fucking in love with maddie, i dont really understand why they broke up but i know they'll find their way back to each other. also. he's an AMAZING father. he loves his daughter so much and its wonderful to see. and the comeback of eli? i love that character, truly amazing to see him come back for a bit. and chim is just... SO GOOD!! he is so underrated imo but he's just an amazing friend and coworker and just kind. i know he fought with buck and whatever but thats kind of understandable imo

idk why the writers this season thought they should just make ALL of the grant-nash family go THROUGH it this season but bobby??? i felt like he was so close to relapsing so many times, i was truly afraid more than once. he cares about his team and his family so deeply. having him relive his trauma of losing his family in the fire not just with david but with MAY??? god that episode was amazing. truly. bobby nash i love you. and may calling him her dad? im sobbing. the almost relapse? wow.

this season has been really good and doing callbacks to earlier incidents and forcing characters into situations similar to previous traumas, especially with the mayday episode with both bobby and chim. when him and albert were together on that roof my heart dropped, even before albert almost fell in.

i hated lucy at the beginning but i liked her when she wasnt focused on buck. i know he's hot or whatever but you're literally hotter and can do better, please go find lena bosko and hook up. i feel like she finally became a more fleshed out character towards the end of the season and thats when i really liked her. i hope she shows up again in the next seasons, but this show seems to have the habit of forgetting some female characters exist after some time aka after they served the purpose of helping with character development for a male character (LIKE LENA FUCKING BOSKO???)

i love albert, i hope he finds something that fits him better and that he still shows up occasionally.

i want more ravi. what the fuck. bring him back. he's so cool.

i loved hen's mom!!!!! and her love story this season??? UGH amazing

hen and karen truly are just *that* couple. i love them together, i love them seperately, i need karen to interact with the other members of the 118 more often. also where did hen's med school storyline go????????? im lost. anyways hen was so fucking cool this season, she was an amazing fucking friend and she was so supportive of chim and her instincts are once again right and no one should ever doubt her because she is amazing and smart and stunning and beautiful and kind and spectacular and i love her and her family. i missed her and chim together tho. i just want them back. but also i want her to mentor new paramedics, i feel like she would be amazing and at the same time would force her to learn to trust different paramedics again.

buck this season. you pissed me off when kissing lucy and then asking taylor to move in instead of confessing. but i like that he then DID tell her. but not cool. i really like that this season buck seemed to just show what good of a friend he can be. especially to eddie. also, buck didnt see his sister for like six months, i do wish we had kind of seen how that affected him a bit more. i liked his relationship with taylor, i like taylor. she is clearly more focused on her career than building a relationship and trust ect. but i dont think she's a terrible person. i think they will be better off as friends and i hope we see them interact again from time to time.

eddie. eddie. eddie. my love. i lvoe you. pls. i am VERY glad he finally had a mental breakdown and dealt with at least SOME of his trauma. he is such an asshole sometimes, i love his comebacks to his coworkers and friends. i love him and i love his love for christopher. those two love each other so much. but yes i loved seeing eddie cry this season, i loved seeing him talk about his feelings and learn and grow and i loved seeing him with his friends and new coworkers at dispatch. him and josh being frenemies is so funny to me, maddie should invite the two of them over for dinner or something and watch them interact while eating popcorn. i think she'd enjoy it. him and buck's friendship this season was everything to me, they were able to lean on each other. and when chris called buck while eddie literally trashed his room?? jesus fucking christ. i love the three of them. eddie's breakup with ana was COLD. that woman just looked after your son while you were on shift for longer than expected, you couldn't have let her go home and rest before breaking up??? please free the women of la from him. perfect breakup for gay storyline btw, but anyways. and him knowing right away that bobby was drowning in his guilt and going to drown himself in a bottle and going there to stop him? without even mentioning his suspicions. i love him learning to talk to his friends and family more about his and their feelings.

sad to know that that dude from the mayday episode has not yet shown up again in josh's life, because they would be cute together and josh deserves to have a personality outside of work.

the episode about the prison break ect was super cool and interesting. and also the episode about that bitch ass jonah. i hope he rots for hurting chim and for traumatising hen. asshole. i wish bobby had punched him some more.

comeback of clipboard buck. we need one per season minimum.

anyways this season was super good and fun and i loved it especially because eddie had a breakdown this season and because so many of the 118 and friends had to learn how to cope with their ptsd or relive their trauma in different ways, it felt like it gave closure to a bunch of storylines (except for helping eddie move on from the death of his wife).

[superpixie42]

Saw my mom today for what is likely the last time in a while

it sucked the whole time. Last time should have been Saturday -- except that I had put our plans (family symphony event downtown) in my phone for Sunday so when i got a "???" text from her Saturday at 1145 I was PISSED because

Why didnt she text me that morning to help me remember? I have two kids and am in the middle of moving wtf.

Why did she wait until i was 45 minutes late and then send a message with NO helpful information?

Anyway the kids were ok with the symphony but since (for me) it was so last minute I forgot to bring with her spare car key (which I still had) and more importantly the Jury Summons which was sent to our address instead of her new one. So made plans to see her today so I could give her those things.

Decided to go to the park with the kids because I just dont have the energy today to try and carry a conversation all the way through dinner. She parked at the house but stayed in her car the whole time I got the kids ready because she didnt tell me she was there. Fine, I get it, you hate my husband SO MUCH you wont even come to the door. Then we get to the park and she is almost actively refusing to talk to me. ZERO questions about the move, zero questions when I told her *my car got hit by a deer this week*, and just generally avoidant. Then when I finally decided enough was enough (at 85* and 90% humidity) and we needed to go home my daughter started begging her to come with to our house. I told my mom I would keep her up to date on our progress west and that I love her. She said she loved me too and then immediately turned to go back to her car. No Be Safe. No hug. No Hope It Goes Well. No Call If You Need Anything.

Thankfully Rosie was hungry so I was able to distract her with food quickly so she didn't spend too long begging for Nana to come with - after the symphony Saturday it took almost 30 minutes for her to drop it.

This whole thing has made the last six months just so incredibly tiring and sucky. I spent four months in therapy to figure out how to move this relationship forward and she has never once acknowledged any wrongdoing or missteps or even that she hurt me in any way. I suddenly feel like I have some weird insight into divorce: how do you keep a relationship going when it feels like the person you were IN a relationship with isn't there anymore? How do you balance wanting to respect what that relationship was while also moving forward knowing it will never be like that again and honestly not being sure you WANT it to be like that since it wasn't that fucking great, apparently. And it's not just me, but my kids are trying to deal with it too, and its not fair to them at all.

Two more sleeps and then it's off to Nebraska and putting all of this behind me for as long as I can.

[j0nika]

HOLD UP, since your mom bought Rebellion for you as a birthday present, is today your birthday?!

Also…how was it…? I hope you liked it! (Of course if you have trouble processing what happened, feel free to ask)

That was the best movie

i have ever watched.

i went through all 5 stages of grief within the matter of 5 minutes.

SPOILERS FOR MADOKA MAGICA REBELLION BELOW!

i feel like i have never been so touched by a piece of media in my life

since the movie is so long, im not going to touch on every part, only the ones that were the most important to me

I WAS VERY CONFUSED AT THE BEGINNING. it was a huge surprise that the world had been fake (pretty much), because i was almost positive that was homura in her early stages of time travelling....NO. everything had already happened...

when they had begun talking about how the world was created by a witch, i was confused on how Bebe was relevant, since there had been no previous mention of them...and for them to imagine this ENTIRE WORLD just didnt sit right with me. once they started to mention it a little more, i had immediately known it was homura.

still, i started to get emotional when the world started to burn, and it was revealed that homura really was behind this. homura had been the thing she had sworn not to trust, what she hated with all her heart, trapped in her own cage she was trying to escape from...quite literally. that in itself was pretty beautiful to me :(

after all of that, when homura had pretty much sentenced herself to death to make sure that madoka would not be taken advantage of, madoka ended up trying so hard to save homura...i think that their love for eachother is definitely mutual, even if it seems like homuras might overpower madokas, i know that madoks truly cares about keeping homura safe and even in a moment of sacrifice madoka still just longed to be with homura and didnt want her to end that way, it was such a heartwarming moment

especially when god madoka came down to help homura, i started tearing up, it was really pretty and i had these lighst going on in my room and i was wondering the whole time "what does fantasy mean by people dont like what homura does at the end? everything seems fine right now!"

........

HOMURA

WHAAAAAATTTTT?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Holy FUCKING SHIT I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

I THINK THAT WAS MY *FAVORITE* PLOT TWIST THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN AN ANIME...IT SERIOUSLY BROUGHT OUT ALL THE EMOTIONS IN ME

i was STARING at my tv with my mouth open i could not believe it.....AND WHEN SHE STARTED TO SMILE, I GOT SUPER EXCITED!! I tend to accidently headcanon characters insanity as the smiling insanity, as if they broke, and i had started drawing homura like that but figured it wasnt fitting for her.....DAMN WAS I WRONG!!!!

i LOVE how homura had become an obsessive....not quite lustful, but more...PURELY EVIL DEMON....who had seperated madokas human form and god form to create a madoka who would be able to live happily (i believe?) with an altered memory...GOD, that scene was so POWERFUL, ive been stuck thinking about it all day today....DAMNIT HOMURA, I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU ARE EVIL!!! And this insane character development just made me love her even more!!!!!!!

then, at the end, when madoka had ended up quickly reuniting with her god form....and the way that homura said that the ribbons look better on madoka....JESUS...i was THIS CLOSE TO CRYING!!! it was almost a bittersweet ending, and that was the best route they couldve chosen...i couldnt tell if i felt sad, at peace.....it was really really beautiful!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

that scene with the flower field....THE SCENE WITH THE FLOWER FIELD HAD ME NEAR SOBBING...i thought it was gorgeous and the way that they hugged...the thought that this would be one of the last times homura would be able to hear madoka say those heartfelt things to her, just seeing her sit there....it was really blissful :(

THE SCENE WITH THE STATUE TURNING TO TAR!!!! that was AMAZING symbolism, holy shit! i just kinda stared at the tv for a little bit...its as if homuras love was infecting madoka....i love it so much.

i cant quitteee remember this one very well, but when madoka started t-posing and sunk into the ground, becoming this liquid, the homura becoming liquid, then a mini homura smashing it up? I DONT THINK IM REMEMBERING IT RIGHT, but i just know that it kind of hit me, it reminded me of no matter how hard homura had kept trying to save madoka, she kept dying...and all she went through within all of the timelines were ultimately very small and hardly mattered, since in the end, she failed...THATS HOW I SAW IT!

(and also, the fight with mami was AMAZING!!!! The music, the combat, the intensity, oh my god!! and when homura shot herself, and then held it up to mami, i was like WHATS GOING ON?!?!?)

this movie was absoloutely beautiful, touching, intense, i....literally have no words to describe it.

I PROBABLY WOULDVE NEVER GOTTEN TO WATCHING IT IF YOU DIDNT RECCOMEND IT TO ME FANTASY!!! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH...that was *seriously* one of the best experiences of my life, i went through so much in such a little amount of time...the fascinating scenery with the witches and the everything looked amazing as always, this was just a very very special and UNIQUE movie to me and i stayed involved the whole time...I DONT THINK ANYTHING THAT ILL EVER WATCH WILL TOP THAT, HONESTLY.....

thank you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!! I LOVED IT!!! 10000000/10.....it genuinely couldnt have been better!!!!! and it only made me love homura even more!!!!!!!!

(ALSO, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, it is not my birthday! my birthday is in 9 days, march 16th! STILL COUNTS AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!)